The Secret to the Secret of Success
A lot of people know that a key secret to being successful is to set Well Formed Outcomes1 – effective goals that match certain criteria. The most basic and well known of these is SMART;
- Specific
- Measurable (more importantly ‘Meaningful’ too)
- Achievable
- Realistic
- Timed
But why is it that so many people who set well formed goals never actually achieve them? It seems strange but the answer is because they focus on the goal. They semantically load ‘reward’ into the desired end result. To (positively) ‘semantically load’ something is to fill it with lots of value, importance, desire, passion and meaning. When people do this with goals they are constantly aware of what they don’t have because they are not there yet… and that gets uncomfortable and causes many to give up. The process of getting to the goal in comparison is hard work, tough, often boring. They make it all about the ‘having’ and nothing to do with the ‘getting there’.
It sounds counterintuitive but the Secret to the Secret of Success is to set a well-formed goal – and then let it go. Hold it in the back of your mind as the destination, simply the direction to set the compass by which to steer; and then semantically load the process, not the result. Make the journey as enjoyable as the perceived end.
To do this is to honour your humanness. We are human-be-ings; Be-ing passionate, alive, vibrant… be-ing is about being fully alive and engaged in every moment. We are also human-doings; we do stuff, even if the do-ing is an internal process like thinking and planning. Nowhere are we human-stoppings… well, not until we die!
NLP trainer John Overdurf says that “we are change”. And it’s true. We are constantly changing, both biologically and psychologically. We are a process of living; where/how am I now, and where/how do I want to be?
In my style of coaching (Neuro-Semantic Meta-Coaching) I often speak of ‘Intention’ as a constant driving process in our lives – we always have an intention, we are intentional beings and this drives our mind-body-emotional states, our ‘attentions’. This highlights the fact that we are both be-ing (in state) and do-ing (intentional) at the same time. To set a goal is to be intentional, outcome focussed. But it’s only half honouring your humanness. To get there you must be in the right states of motivation, passion, curiosity, determination, etc. in every moment along the way.
So when you set your next goal, quality control your meanings, states, expectations, etc. about the process of getting there. If they’re not useful, change them so that they are dripping with passion and pleasure. Give everything to the process and the outcome will take care of itself.
If you find setting or sticking to goals tricky – and it can be – drop me a line and ask about one-on-one coaching. Or have a look at my online courses Secrets to Personal Mastery and Resilience! How to be Mentally Tough.
1 In Neuro-Semantics and Meta-Coaching we have 18 critical distinctions