Name It To Tame It

These days we experience a lot of stress and anxiety – most of which is subtle and hard to pin down. For example, we might get a ‘bad vibe’ from certain people, or maybe certain situations make you uneasy or even fill you with dread, but you’re not sure why. For the most part we just deal with it. But for some people, the fact that they keep feeling the feeling and not knowing why, can grow into generalised anxiety. This holds a lot of people back.

One strategy I sometimes use is the “name it to tame it” technique. I’ve used this over the years with adults and kids alike – young people especially get great results from this because they are so imaginative.

Basically, if there is any kind of negative thought, idea, or feeling that comes into someone’s head, it can feel like it’s so intangible, overwhelming and hard to pin down it feels like it ‘owns the person’. But here’s the thing, if they give it a name, and a character they can start to own and control the feeling/thought rather than it owning them.

I remember one girl I worked with who is a talented athlete but had severe separation anxiety – really severe! Even going to school for the day, being away from mum, was terrifying. Sleepovers at friend’s houses were impossible, and it was interfering with her sports too. We identified the feeling, and she gave it a character and a silly name – for her it was like a very fussy old lady goose which she called Ethel. Then anytime the anxiety would arise in her, she could just say to herself (or her mum or dad), “Oh dear Ethel’s here!”. Then she could have a light-hearted chat with Ethel and ask what Ethel was trying to achieve for her (e.g., to keep her safe). She learned to thank Ethel for reminding her to stay safe and reassure the old goose that everything was fine. We did a few other techniques to enhance her mental resilience – a critical part of creating lasting change – and the work was done.

In this young lady’s case, we only did one session, and she started successful sleepovers, and within one month actually went overseas for a week with her school sports team – with no parents and no problems whatsoever. Her mum and dad were over the moon, as was this very happy young lady!